


Inure | tokyo ghoul

by Alesiduex



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst later, Reader is human, Reader-Insert, Romance, This is completely self indulgent, also i love touka, also minimal use of [name] and stuff like that, for now super cute stuff, i couldnt resist, i wanna be good at writing short chapters like all the cool kids, i want to stop using fill ins so much, ive loved this man for years, ngl, slight touka/reader, this fic is used as practice for me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23208124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alesiduex/pseuds/Alesiduex
Summary: She hoped that her love for him would one day surpass the pain of losing him. [au]
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Reader, Kirishima Touka/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	1. black ; faded

Her breath came out in white puffs among the chill December air and the scarf that sat snug against her chin had provided little protection against the frigid temperature. Her hands, despite being tucked into the warmth of her jacket's pockets, still felt exposed to the cold that surrounded her and her fingers rubbed against the fleece lining in order to regain some kind of heat.

Her eyes were filled with wonder as she glanced over the empty courtyard of her university and she marveled at the sight of snow blanketing the area in pure white. It made her choice in leaving her warm apartment feel a little more worthwhile. There was a small smile on her lips that peeked over the cream colored scarf she wore and it only grew into an endearing grin the moment her eyes caught the approaching figure of her significant other. 

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever make it. . ." Her tone was light with tease and her grin never once wavered. 

"Sorry," He huffed, cheeks redder than usual which was due to a mixture of both the cold and his own fluster. He stopped at an arm's length away from her, his fingers delicately sliding under the white eyepatch he wore in order to adjust it to properly obscure his left eye. "I ended up getting caught up in something and lost track of time. . . I didn't make you wait too long, did I?"

"Only a little," She buried her smile behind her scarf as her cheeks burned a bit redder. "As long as you warm up my hands I won't hold it against you."

When she pulled her hands out from her pockets and wiggled her bare fingers before him, he only offered a small disappointed shake his head. ". . .You forgot your gloves again?"

Despite his less than excitable tone of voice, the smile on his lips proved to give no sincerity to the discontent he attempted to convey. She merely laughed in response which was muffled by her scarf as the corners of her eyes crinkled with mirth. "I'd rather have my hands warmed up by _you_."

He offered no protest to her slipping her right hand into his left and only found himself blushing slightly when she intertwined their fingers. His ears perked at her blissful sigh and he felt a warm flutter of elation in his chest at the lack of distance the two of them stood at now. Being as shy as he was, it was hard to admit that he always did like her being close to him.

"Well," She giggled as she began to tug him towards the library entrance, her heart beating a little faster from her sudden bold action. "You'll warm up at least _one_ of my hands."

He smiled in her direction, his gaze lingering on her profile for a second longer before flitting down towards their conjoined hands. Despite all that has changed for him and the feeling of loss that stirred in his being, she was possibly the only thing that kept him grounded in reality. Her warmth helped remind him of what he'd miss if he were to give up that part of himself who still clung to his humanity.

In reality, he couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

"What is it, Kaneki?" His gaze was brought to meet her own when she suddenly stopped in her tracks as he felt her squeeze his hand. "You look a little out of it. . ."

He responded to her curious expression with nothing other than a shake of his head. His smile persisted, though it wasn't as bright as it was moments earlier. "I'm fine." 

His reassurance was met with uncertainty from her though she decided against pressing him for more if only to keep the air between them tension free. He was already pestered enough about his recent strange behavior by his best friend and she wished to not add on to his stress.

"I'm here if you need me," She gently reminded him as they continued on passed the entrance threshold. Her grip on him tightened only a bit more as if she were trying to physically engrave her words onto his skin. "Please don't forget that."


	2. yellow ; warmth

"He skipped out on you again today, didn't he?"

At the sound of a familiar voice, her gaze lifted up and away from the text of her newest novel only to land on the figure of her childhood friend; Nagachika Hideyoshi. Along with the disappointment apparent in his voice, his gaze held a visible look of concern. Her eyes briefly flitted down to her book, taking a moment to place her bookmark in between pages before shutting the novel with a soft thud.

When her attention returned back to him, she wasn't surprised to see him casually leaning against the table she occupied. She was well aware of his desire in discussing Kaneki's recent behavior and now that she could no longer feign ignorance of it due to the intimacy of their relationship, he was intending to formulate some kind of intervention with her help.

It wasn't as if Kaneki was absent all the time, it was only once or twice a month that he'd suddenly become reclusive and stay as far away from both her and Hide as much as he could. Though recently, even she couldn't help but notice that his absences were beginning to grow longer and occur more frequently than they had in the past.

She couldn't deny the hurt she felt at his distance and his reluctance in confiding in her.

"It can't be helped." Is all she muttered as she tucked the slim novel into her bag before rising up from her seat.

He was quick to join her side as she made her way towards the library's exit. The frown adoring his features was unlike the usual cheerful grin he bore when around one of the two closest friends he possessed. "It could be if you said something about it to him. . ."

He was right, she knew that. For far too long she had been compliant with her lover's sudden aversion to being around her and her constant stream of excuses she'd feed herself just to put her mind at ease no longer worked. She wanted to believe that he were only dealing with the emotional turmoil his recent injury had caused in his own quiet way, even if that method included avoiding her. She had to remind herself that he practically watched a woman die right before his eyes, of course there was some kind of emotional trauma brought along with that and right now he needed people to support him. Not the kind of silent support she offered, but the kind that would push him towards admitting what caused him to be so distant towards everyone else.

She sighed in resignation, her gaze shifting over towards her side where Hide walked along. "What do you think we should do then?"

The smile that spread across his lips was one that held relief. It never occurred to her how much Kaneki's behavior had concerned Hide to the point that it seemed to be something stressing him for the longest of time. She felt a tinge of guilt course through her at the prospect of adding onto that stress with her refusal to confront her boyfriend.

"Don't worry," He winked as his smile brightened into his usual grin. Even then there was still a note of melancholy that she could detect within his cheerful expression. "I'll figure something out soon."

* * *


	3. indigo ; realization

The smell of coffee, a bitter scent that was both sweet and soothing to her senses, ruminated the small café. Her gaze which appeared unfocused and fettered with concern for her missing companion, continuously roved the pages of her favorite novel though she could barely pay any real attention to its contents. Undeserving for a book that had once brought her comfort during the worst of times. 

Her mind wanders, each thought straying farther away from the story she reads and towards the subject of her lover. It's been a week since she last saw him and even longer since she's spoken to him. His obvious avoidance of her was starting to become something she could hardly bear. What was once something she dismissed as nothing more than nerves raised from his recent accident now became something she could no longer ignore. Even with Hide's assurance that'd he come up with something soon, everything he suggested so far had yet to pan out any positive results.

While her worry steadily built within the confines of her head, she despondently resorted to closing her book and placing it to her side before reaching for her steaming cup of coffee. She relished the bitter taste as her eyes fluttered close for a brief second before reopening to take in the sight of the café and its patrons. There was a low murmuring of chatter from the tables around her and the distant clatter of plates could be heard from the back kitchen. Unlike a certain other café near her university, this one was far quieter and less crowded. The sheer lack of people was what she truly took ease in as it usually gave her the opportunity to completely immerse herself in her beloved book. She swallows the last bit of her coffee, her mind still plagued with troubling thoughts.

There was a clatter of a plate heard before her and just as she took in the sight of her favorite flavor of cake, her ears perked at the sound of pouring liquid followed by a subsequent voice that was filled with familiarly feigned annoyance.

"If you think any harder, you might actually hurt yourself."

Her lips split into a brightened grin as she lifted her gaze from the table. There standing at her side was none other than Kirishima Touka, her underclassman and closest friend. 

"Touka-chan. . ." Her brows knitted together as a sense of confusion overcame her at the appearance of her friend. Not only had the younger girl served her coffee and a slice of cake, but she was also donning the apron she'd wear when she was working. At the conclusion that her friend was indeed in uniform, a small pout formed on her lips. "How come you didn't tell me you were working today? I would've asked for you if I knew. . ."

"It was a last minute call." She sighs, clutching the serving platter she carried against her chest as she glanced at the abandoned novel before quickly switching her gaze back to [name]. "Besides, it wasn't as if _you_ told me you were coming to Anteiku."

She gave a laugh under her breath, muttering an apology as she lifted her newly refilled cup of coffee to her lips. Immediately her senses were overtaken with the slight sweetness as well as the hint of vanilla spreading across her tongue. It was just how she liked it. Of course, no one knew that better than the girl she knew since her second year of high school.

"Delicious as always, Touka-chan," She grinned with teeth peeking slightly out from pink lips. "Leave it to you to make the perfect cup of coffee."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, senpai." She remarked as she set down the pot of coffee onto the table and ignored the following cry from the older girl to be called by her name instead. "Help yourself to the rest. You look like you have a lot to think about."

[name] sputtered, hurriedly placing down her coffee before attempting to catch the sleeve of the plum haired girl, though Touka's stride was unmatched and she was left to weakly call after her. 

"W-wait, Touka!"

She merely looked over her shoulder, a small smile on her lips. "You'll be paying for it, of course."

After watching Touka depart past the partition that separated the dining area from the kitchen, she leaned back in her seat with a small sigh of defeat. There was really no use in refusing the small acts of kindness Touka would show her. Despite how rarely they came, it was undeniable how perfectly timed they were. She figured her troubled expression must have been so pathetic for someone like Touka to take pity on. Disregarding her passing self-deprecating thought, she sipped at her coffee once more as her gaze focused on the pot sitting before her.

Her lips quirked into a secretive smile hidden behind the rim of the ceramic cup. She thought the coffee tasted so much sweeter.

* * *

"Just so you know, I'm not doing this for you again." Her lips creased into a frown as she stared down at the timid man standing before her. He bore the look of guilt, though it hardly eased her burning annoyance. "I don't like lying to her. Stop being a coward and face her yourself next time."

With a shake of her head a final huff of irritation, she quickly locks the cafe's entrance before taking off in the opposite direction. Touka doesn't wait for his response, neither does she bother looking back to gauge his reaction to her sharp words. After working together for a few weeks, she figured he'd get used to it just as the others had.

". . . sorry." He mutters to no one in particular and the apology carries off with the gentle dusk breeze, never to reach its intended recipient. 

Touka's scolding had brought back his afflicted thoughts and in response, his concealed left eye began throbbing with a faint pain that seemed to grow along with his doubts. How could he ever think to face the one person he cherished most in this world when he was unsure if he could keep himself from harming her?


	4. 𝗿𝗲𝗱 ; 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀

There's a gnawing twist in the pit of his stomach, one he distantly recognizes as the feeling of unsated hunger. It withes, burning and tearing at the lining of his abdomen yet no matter how much he attempts to ignore the sensation, it doesn't dissipate.

Kaneki harshly swallows, his dry mouth providing no kind of relief to the searing in his throat. His hands, which grip a novel of his that he read in a vain attempt to distract himself with, tighten their hold and the whites of his knuckles attested to the kind of strength he used. He knows what the hunger yearned for. He's experienced it far too many times to be ignorant to its desire. Yet he does not dare move from the corner of his room that he's confided himself to. 

Along with his hunger, there's fear evident in his heart. He could feel the pesky thoughts of hesitance invading his mind and hiding themselves among his thoughts of hungering desire. It was this hesitance alone that kept him from walking out his apartment door and making a meal out of anyone who dared to cross paths with him. What he felt and thought _repulsed_ him. It disgusted him to even think of consuming another person though his feelings did not stop him from watering at the mouth when the sound of a human's heartbeat was picked up in his vicinity.

That _sound_ was what kept him on edge. The rhythmic thumping, the undeniable rush of blood traveling through the human system and the slow breathing that followed it. All of it entranced him, _called_ for him. Still. _Still_ he does _not_ move and only limits himself to listening. His decision of staying within the confines of his apartment until this 'episode' passed, was the very definition of torture. The hunger he felt only continues to roar and he gnashes his teeth against the inside of his cheek, drawing blood that barely staves off the edge of his yearning. 

His eyes can hardly focus on the lines of text within his favored novel. They impatiently flit between the printed words and the locked door of his apartment located several feet away from him. His ears perk at the sounds of passing footsteps, his heightened senses hearing them clearly even through thick concrete walls. His 'reading' pauses when he slightly recognizes them. The light steps they use and the subtle gape in their stride is a sound he was all too familiar with. He knew these steps. He's heard them walk the floors of his apartment many mornings and nights. They belong to _her,_ the woman he couldn't afford to see. Not in this dangerous mindset he was in.

Though he recognized her approach to his door, followed by the jingle of keys, he did not move from his spot on the floor. The book he held fell closed onto his lap as his eyes stayed glued to the door as if looking away for even a second would mean the disappearance of her presence. When he saw the metal knob of his door slowly turn and heard the creak of it opening, he'd done nothing but stare. Her scent overcame his senses causing his hunger to rear back to life in full. 

"Kaneki!"

He can see her eyes light up at the sight of him and before he could say anything in response, she's rushing toward him and enveloping him into a tight embrace. He doesn't move from her hold, only shifting slightly to allow her a more comfortable position between his knees. Although his mind is actively warning him against being so close to her, a larger part of him begging to get her away, he snakes his arms around her waist; clutching her closely to him, locking her in place. He could hear her talking besides his ear, telling him of how much she missed him and asking where he'd been all these weeks. The words never truly register in his mind. He can only think about the scent of her flesh and as he digs his nose against her exposed shoulder, he barely stops himself from taking a bite. 

"You worried Hide and I for weeks! Where were you?"

Her voice falls unto deaf ears and the soft touch of her hands running through his hair as she presses kisses against the side of his head doesn't provide the comfort it once did. His mouth salivates; the smell of her blood running through veins under thin flesh captures his attention far more than her intimacy. His left eye throbs with a dull pain and his stomach continuously aches for something he couldn't dare give it. He attempts to ignore its call, placing his mind only on the soothingly soft tone of his girlfriend's voice. He could do this. He could ignore it like he's done many times before and he could do it again. 

Kaneki opens his mouth, the words akin to an apology on the tip of his tongue though instead of hearing his own voice, he instead hears the sound of tearing flesh. The sickening squelch of sinew being harshly torn by dull teeth. The voice above him that was once decadent with a gentleness unique to only her, screams as his mouth fills with blood that is not his own. His hold on her does not falter even as she struggles in his inhuman grip. 

Red is all he sees.


	5. green ; renew

The rhythmic sound of falling rain, the bitter scent of coffee accompanied by the chatter of strangers within an almost empty café. The air is warm, welcoming, and it unknowingly gives her a strange sense of comfort.

She stares out the widow she sits near, her fingers fiddling with one another as she watches the few passersby sheltered under umbrellas. Within her chest there was a flutter of nostalgia and it alone brought the resurfacing of a memory she couldn't quite recall. Her brows creased and lips pursed as her fingers tightened their hold on one another. It wasn't the first time she's had sensations similar to this one; inexplicable déjà vu would suddenly wash over her and she was forced to once again come to terms that she couldn't remember quite exactly what her mind were trying to remind her of.

The day she awoke in a hospital, with no recollection of herself or what had happened; she knew that the life she now lived was nothing like it was once before. If it weren't for Touka, the indigo haired woman who stood by her side from the moment she opened her eyes, she might have never been given even a clue of who she was in the past. Touka reminded her of things she often forgot and with her help she was able to remember at least _some_ of her memories. Their lasting friendship, which stood strong even when she slept away in a hospital for a little more than a year, was her key and admittedly; Touka was her _only_ solution. Her family was more or less absent and they rarely ever picked up her calls, and the friends Touka claimed she had were no where to be found when she needed them most. While her circumstances weren't ideal, she was glad to have at least _someone_ to rely on.

Beneath the thin layer of her sweater, she can feel the scar on her shoulder painfully pulsate. Her hand unlatches from the other and her fingers gently rub over the old wound with a delicacy. Sometimes it would throb, a rare occurrence as mysteriously; Touka's mere presence was enough to ward the pain away, but it would especially hurt when she, alone, was attempting to remember a part of her past. It was almost like a reminder of some sort; eliciting her to remember something important she was forgetting.

Her expression deepens with rightful confusion though before she's able to delve deeper into her own muddled thoughts, she feels another hand, one a bit colder to the touch, lie on top of her own. She glances up, her free hand falling away from her shoulder as her expression melts away and is replaced by a brightened smile. 

"Touka!" She breathes and conjoins her hand with the woman beside her. The sudden return of her touch causes Touka to blush though she says nothing to refute it as she sits down next her, allowing their fingers to comfortably settle into a hold light enough to allow either of them to pull away, yet neither of them did. 

"I was sure you were going to take longer, but I guess they let you out early, huh?" Her smile never fades and the delight in her tone was evidence enough of her happiness with the situation. "Does that mean you can walk home with me today?"

Touka stares at her face for a second longer before gently nodding her head. Her lips curve into a smile, though this one too solemn with a hint of wistfulness. It was easily noticed by the girl sitting next to her. "Everyone thought it would be best if someone walked home with you tonight."

[name] blinked, her smile fading before she nodded and rose from her chair still hand-in-hand with the violet haired woman. As much as she wished to ask Touka what was wrong as her shift in moods wasn't as unnoticeable as she may have thought, she knew Touka was the kind of woman who disliked being prodded. With time, she would eventually come to her on her own and they would talk out her problems like they normally did. Yet the anxiety she felt in the pit of her stomach only worsened as they stepped over the threshold of the café's entrance to enter the rainy streets of Tokyo. 

Despite the safeguard of Touka's presence next to her, the scar on her shoulder and neck began to burn. 

* * *

Her eyes stay trained on the damp concrete before her every step. In one ear she can hear the idle chatter of her dear friend, [name], whose tone was undoubtedly teeming with concern she knew was directed at her. The conversation was light hearted, with her mostly going through everything that happened in her day, though it was far too one-sided for either one of them to care for.

Touka usually quietly reveled in the company of her friend, basking in the cheer the girl unknowingly emitted and etching the sight of her smile into her brain to never forget. While it was true that her friend was no longer the same [name] that she loved and remembered fondly, the woman holding her hand in this very moment was _still_ [name], just a slightly different version.

She no longer referred to Touka with childish nicknames or treated her like a younger sister. Now Touka was equal to her, and [name] saw her as something more than the underclassman she once was to her. While it was never in her intention to make light of her friend's amnesiac state, Touka couldn't help but think it was somewhat a blessing in disguise. The day she walked into her hospital room to discover after painstakingly waiting for months that her sleeping friend was now _awake_ , she could only helplessly think of this as _her chance_. Finally she could become something more to the girl she was steadily pining over for the past four years.

Yet, all of it seemed to disappear right before her eyes the moment he walked in. The man she could distinctly recognize as her missing co-worker. He, too, looked and acted differently, though she knew the second he spoke his order to her that he was the one.

Kaneki Ken, the half-ghoul she briefly worked with, as well the man who first claimed [name]'s heart, and the one who subsequently turned her into the broken state she was in now, was back.


End file.
